Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Straight, Gay, bi, transgender or pansexual - do labels make a difference?

Since Kinsey, there has been an effort to catalog people's sexual preferences. Kinsey interviewed subjects and indicated their sexual propensity between heterosexual and homosexual on a scale of 1 to 6. Researchers subsequently refined the scales to include other paraphilla (fetish, transgender, etc.)

There is a lot of discussion in the blogosphere about the differences between the labels. A more recent one ( http://bit.ly/w5D6Gl ) makes a point that bisexuals are binary with the opposite sex only and ignore transgender possibilities. The post also said that transgender labels ignore the bisexual aspects.

The author wrote: "In bisexual texts I’m erased as a transgender person, and in transgender texts, I am erased as a bisexual person"

I do not disagree with  the author(s)' intellectual  positions but I don't think it matters with my personal relations. Here are a few snippets of how I relate to people of various "labels".

I stopped actively looking for clients when I went to college full time but eventually I needed the money, tuition rises and all. I still have "legacy" clients, people who will call me when they come into town. Men come here from all around the world for medical and technical conventions. The women are usually well-heeled matrons that drive up from the upper class suburbs for a day of shopping and fun. I've come to know all the side entrances to the hotels and the names of the clerks who work there.
As an escort, I wait for men or women to call me. We set the time and agree to the scenario that we like such as "dinner", "bar", "hotel room", etc. They come to know what my services are and expect me to deliver. I keep myself well-groomed and I'm always punctual.

Guys prefer to get into the sex right away: a little caressing, nipple pinching, a bj and then a fuck. Most only let me their first name. "Call ya later, Dave", they'll say as I pick up the payment on the nightstand.

"Ok," I say as I slip on my clothes, "see ya, Bob" as  I slip out of the hotel discretely.
I don't usually "date" a women who I don't know or does not know about my escort services because it can take too long to close the deal. On those "cold" dates, we often chat for hours even in a typical scene before we get physical. I can remember many times when I was too engrossed in the conversation with a woman when she'll say something like: "When are you going to sleep with me?"

"Oh", I reply with a slight surprise, "you want to do that?. Well, I never," I fake the propriety with a Southern accent. We laugh.

If a woman discloses to me that she is also an escort then we can abandon pleasantries and get down to business immediately. We start with, "Shall we..." and  I'll suggest some likely activity. 

She'll say: "I like it if a guy does ... to my ..." or "I like ...sex", etc. There is back and forth. Usually we settle on some scenario and get into it just like with men.

With Em (Fire Witch), we established what we would do the first night I met her. I was hot for her. She wanted certain things. We agreed on a time that fit our schedule. When I met her later (3 AM) she said she was getting tired and wanted to go the main event directly. I developed a practice of oral service and the body worship she prefers. With a little practice I have become her "sex toy" that she calls after a day of tricking. When she's with johns, she gives them what they want. When she's with me, she gets what she wants.

Mary told me the kind of scene she liked (MMF) and so I arranged a threesome with Kyle. Kyle and I do the things we've done with each other as Mar watches. Once she's aroused, she'll join in as Kyle and I daisy with her.

Threesomes with members of the coven are usually arranged by the women. Scenes have a lot of play with their mate while they watch, something they call  "forced bi". Eric, Goeff and Tom were at first reluctant to get down with me, but they gradually came to like the anal sex with their prostate massage. They now pretend to resist as their Domme's force them to kneel and take me and bend over on the bed.
On "ladies night" at the bar, I dress in drag. Women and men who dress as women are not charged the cover for a lineup of dyke, tg, genderqueer bands. Mary helps me with the makeup and I do this in keeping with the spirit. I don't get turned on by women's clothing and don't understand why women would wear something that is uncomfortable. At the bar, the dykes are dressed in boots, jeans and flannels, while I serve them in a 1950's style cocktail dress and pumps.

"Come to Daddy," they'll say as they pull me into their laps. "Be a good wife and kiss me!", they laugh as I camp it up for them.

Straight guys will think this drag act is wierd until they see me go to the upstairs apartment with women they thought were "lesbians".

Some of you may remember my encounters with Andy, the shemale. He frequents the bar in a "metrosex" getup: clothing that women or men might wear. He has long blond surfers hair that he has coiffed. His lipstick and eyeliner is subtle, his nails impeccable.

When I first served him, I saw him checking out my ass in the tight leather pants I usually wear. He would drop a napkin on the floor and saye, "Dave, come here and pick up my napkin".

I asked Mar what this was all about. She said, "just do what he says, Dave". I go over to his table where he is giggling with some other shemales.  I turn away from him, bend over and and stick my butt in his face. He slips a dollar in the back of my boxer-briefs. If I let him fondle my ass, he'll leave a bigger tip.

Although I'm not a "boobs" man, I was attracted to Andy's prominent pair and the bulge in her crotch. I flirted for a long time with him and eventually mustered up the courage to tell him I was hot for him. I had an earlier posting about our first "date" last Christmas Eve. We scene on his terms: he ties me up to a sling and penetrates me. If you were to label what we do it might be femdom, transgender and leather.

I'm not sure what "labels" should be given to my friends and our scenes. We rarely think about who is "gay", "straight", "bi", "tg". Instead we think of things we do together.